I'm sorry this is long, but the things I'm writing are important to me.
My boyfriend and I (both in college) have been together for four years and I love him very much. However, as of lately he is changing a lot.
All of my life I have always been better friends with boys than with girls. Due to recent events, my boyfriend will not allow me to be friends with any boys unless they have a girlfriend. I'm supposed to distance myself as much as possible from the friends I have now - to the point of ignoring them. The events that caused this are as follows:
Through friends, I met a boy who I quickly became very close friends with. He started living with one of my closer girlfriends, so I saw a lot of him. He was no threat to my boyfriend because he is the COMPLETE opposite of my %26quot;type%26quot;.
The day my boyfriend left for spring break at Panama City Beach without me, my girlfriend made my male friend tell me that he liked me. He didn't know if I would still want to be his friend, but I told him it was fine, he'd lose those feelings soon enough.
I planned on telling my boyfriend that night, but when he called he refused to talk about anything but all of the bare-chested women on the beach and how hot it was when the girls took off each others' shirts. I was only able to talk to him one other time while he was there and again we had to get off the phone because he would only talk about naked women. When he returned I finally got upset with him because he just wanted to show me pictures of the naked girls he saw. Then he left to go home (two hours away) and I planned on telling him that next weekend.
I had told my male friend that I would help him wash his car (bc his ex kept trashing it) so he called me up that Friday. We ended up having to go to his parents' house where all of his car-washing stuff was. My boyfriend asked me what I was doing and I told him. He asked if I was at my girlfriends apartment. I told him that I was at my male friend's house.
He was coming home early to surprise me. He got confused and went to my girlfriend's house. They both thought I was lying about my where-abouts. My boyfriend asked my girlfriend if he had anything to worry about. She said no, but that my male friend did like me.
My boyfriend was furious. When we returned, he almost beat up my male friend, which I can assure you it would have been brutal if I had not stopped it. My male friend is a small framed boy and was at the time seventeen years old with braces. My boyfriend is big, very strong, very athletic, and 22 years old.
My boyfriend forbid me to see my male friend or talk to him. Then one day he bonded with my male friend and hung out with him a lot. My boyfriend told me he was a good guy and that he was okay. I thought that meant he was going to be more lenient on my restrictions with him, but I was wrong. As soon as he knew I was talking to him again he got very angry.
Now I am not allowed to be friends with any of my male friends. I feel like he is trying to control my life.
Before this incident, he constantly texted me or called me asking where I was, who I was with, what I was doing. He did this ALL the time! He also put a program on my computer that recorded every keystroke and every little thing I did on my computer so he could look at it later. He would periodically check all of my accounts. I have never done anything that would make him doubt my loyalty to him.
Also before this incident, he has broke up with me several times. Once so he could play the field, and another time because my parents were too strict (when I was in high school still). One of these times he messed around with one of my close friends. The other time he played me like I was a chess game and bad mouthed me constantly to one of my close girlfriends.
I have always been the loyal one in the relationship that has had to forgive his mistakes. I'm not going to list them.
He acts coldly toward me a lot lately even though I have given up my friendships for him. He has gotten drunk and smacked me and shoved me against a wall. He thought it was playful, apparently, but it was very forceful and it hurt me a lot. I know for a fact that he didn't mean to hurt me, but he still did. He was proud of it the next day.
I just don't know what to do. He is often very cold now. I have never done anything against him and I have forgiven so many things he has done against me. This incident with my male friend was a huge misunderstanding. I feel like my girlfriend created this chaos on purpose because none of this would have happened if she hadn't been so manipulative. She is also the same girl that bad mouthed me to my boyfriend and then continued pretending like she was my real friend.
Now my boyfriend says he can't feel the same about me because he can't trust me. What more can I possibly do to mend our relationship and get him back to normal?
What should I do about my changing boyfriend?
Why do you want to have a relationship with a bully? This jerk has smacked you and shoved you against a wall and he blames you for forcing him to go after other girls. His behaviour will get worse and he will always blame you because if he blames himself he will have to admit he has a problem.
You have the right to be friends with anyone you choose. He does not have the right to try to beat up that person
You have the right to go anywhere and do anything you want without reporting to him. He does not have the right to question you.
You have the right to speak to friends on the computer. He does not have the right to check up on each keystroke you make.
Does he allow you to choose his friends? Was it your choice that he spent his holiday at a nude location where he ogled and photographed other girls? Are you able to check every keystroke on his computer%26gt;?
This is a wife-beater and a bully. If you remain with him, you will be beaten up and possibly killed. You will have done nothing to deserve the treatment you will get. You deserve so much better. Remember, trust is the basis of a relationship and this affair you have had with him is not based on trust.
